I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
