make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
