Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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