A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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