last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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