My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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