it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
