worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
