it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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