please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
