So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
