That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
