I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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