he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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