He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
