Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
