You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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