No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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