Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
