but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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