That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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