Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
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hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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