the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
