everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
