Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
