The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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