I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
