Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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