No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
