I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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