my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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