I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Vodka?
Forever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
