I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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