what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
nutella sex= disaster
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
