Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
