She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
