Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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