he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
