watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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