I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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