Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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