he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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