that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct