Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.