I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.