I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
