I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize