Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
