OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i've created a new STD.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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