well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
