After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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