The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize