I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The air taste purple.
Randomize
