if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize