Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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