Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
