Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize