I'm really into asian looking animals
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
