She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
