if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
