he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
