it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
