Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
