Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
God, I missed his penis.
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