i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i out mim tonsoeep
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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