oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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