Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
