Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
