If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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