I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
