A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
