I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
