Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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