Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i've created a new STD.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
